In recent times, I find it really strange that more and more parents are obsessed with their children attaining as many As as possible in school and public examinations. What's the deal anyway?
It is true that this is not a new phenomenon as when I was in school aeons ago, my father expected good results from me and often, relatives would ask me 'How many As did you get?" whenever the public examinations results are out.
However, the situation now has worsen. Children as young as four years old were expected to get excellent academic results in kindy/nursery or else face the wrath of their parents.
This is scary! These parents, presumably, thought the stress they place on their children was just a way to ensure their children have a brighter future; albeit with good academic results.
Well, hello there! Straight-A students may not necessarily become hugely successful while Bs and Cs students don't always end up as roadside sweepers or beggars. In case they haven't noticed, Bill Gates dropped out of college and was not a straight A student. Okay, some may say it is an isolated special case, let's look a little closer to home.
The late Loh Boon Siew (famous tycoon in Penang) was not educated and look how he ended up. There are also quite a lot of owners of huge local corporations from developers to factories who are not highly educated. Some couldn't even speak proper English! They were not straight A students and yet they are so successful they formed big corporations and some of these companies are even listed.
So, what's this preoccupation and obsession over academic achievements? According to a child psychiatrist, this undue stress and pressure on children to perform well academically from such a tender age will only cause more damage to the child. In some extreme cases, five and six year olds have been known to want to commit suicide because of all the stress over their academic achievements.
These children are robbed of their childhood thanks to the endless tuition classes, homeworks and whatnots to ensure they earn more As.
Where is the time for them to play, to imagine, to be children?
Where is the time for them to be creative, to express themselves, to build their own self esteem, to enjoy the fun part of life?
Why are young children being taught that life is all about getting As in examinations? Whatever happened to taking time to enjoy the simple pleasures of life such as enjoying nature with a walk in the park? Or reading storybooks for enjoyment and not for academic purposes? Or going for a picnic by the beach? Or even playing badminton with the neighbourhood children?
Are the children being taught the right thing at all with all this exam-orientated obsession? Are they taught to form their own opinions, to troubleshoot problems and try to solve it on their own, to be more creative, to interact well with others, to be kind to others, to question whatever is told to them instead of just memorising whatever the teacher said?
What about basic living skills such as how to communicate with others, good manners, knowing right from wrong, etc?
It is no wonder that company managers are complaining that uni graduates of today, especially those with straight As in school, have virtually no interpersonal skills and when it comes to problem solving or brainstorming sessions, they are at a total loss.
Why? Simple, it is because they were taught from young to just memorise facts and score As. They were taught to be like computers via tuitions and extra classes. They were not given a chance to think for themselves, to question, to voice out and to form their own opinions.
Of course, our education system is partly to be blamed but if most parents seemed to think that scoring As is the be all and end all, then, it isn't only the government's fault. It is everyone's fault.
This is indeed sad. So, I make this solemn promise to my son and any other children I may have in future that I would never force them to get As in their exams. Sure, education is important but living life to to the fullest is more important.
I would never rob them of their childhood.
Monday
Managing grief
Recently, I came into contact with grieving families and this reminded me of the time when I was told of my mother's sudden death almost two years ago.
At that time, I was nine months pregnant and my mom was halfway across the world. Sure, my hubby and relatives tried to console me but it was still a very difficult time for me.
There I was happily planning for the arrival of my firstborn when the bubble burst with the news via email that my mother had collapsed from a suspected stroke, went into a coma and within two days, died without regaining consciousness.
It all occurred within the Christmas weekend of 2005 and my mother died on Boxing Day. Christmas will never ever be the same again. I may not be a Christian but I had always loved this particular festive season due to wonderful memories celebrating it with my mother and neighbours when I was a child.
At that time, though it is what they thought was for my own good, I was not allowed to grief properly for my mom. I was not allowed to cry because I may distress the baby. I was shielded and kept occupied so my thoughts do not wander to my mother's death. I could not attend her funeral or memorial service because in my condition, I was not allowed on any plane, much less travel all the way across the globe. I was denied the chance to say goodbye, to see her for the last time, to close a chapter in my life, so to speak.
Now, it is coming to the second year since my mom departed this world and I still missed her. Recently some relatives over there contacted me about taking back my mom's earthly belongings which was stored by one of her well-meaning friends. Again, the grief and regrets started swelling within me.
It was like a floodgate was opened and all the feelings come pouring in endlessly. I could not help feeling depressed and missing her more than ever. I felt like bursting into tears over her death and actually grief for her. But I did not. I kept the tears in just like two years ago, fearing people would not understand my need for this time to finally really let go, to finally accept the fact that she is gone for good.
Often enough when my son does something funny or cute, I instinctively stored it in my memory bank so that I could tell my mom about it. Too late, I realised mom is no longer there. She is no longer a phone call away. I can no longer shoot an email to her with picture attachments. In fact, she never did get the chance to meet my son, her first grandchild. That was my biggest regret, my mom never got to see her first grandchild before she left. I have so many questions to ask her, so many things to say to her still but now it is too late.
Many have told me to move on and be glad that she did not suffer at all. I have moved on and life is in fact quite wonderful now but still, the empty void and pain of loss remains. I felt as if I have lost something vital. Perhaps time will one day lessen the pain and fill the void but till then, I will probably continue to miss her, my mom, the woman who loved us unconditionally, loved to read and most of all, loved animals.
At that time, I was nine months pregnant and my mom was halfway across the world. Sure, my hubby and relatives tried to console me but it was still a very difficult time for me.
There I was happily planning for the arrival of my firstborn when the bubble burst with the news via email that my mother had collapsed from a suspected stroke, went into a coma and within two days, died without regaining consciousness.
It all occurred within the Christmas weekend of 2005 and my mother died on Boxing Day. Christmas will never ever be the same again. I may not be a Christian but I had always loved this particular festive season due to wonderful memories celebrating it with my mother and neighbours when I was a child.
At that time, though it is what they thought was for my own good, I was not allowed to grief properly for my mom. I was not allowed to cry because I may distress the baby. I was shielded and kept occupied so my thoughts do not wander to my mother's death. I could not attend her funeral or memorial service because in my condition, I was not allowed on any plane, much less travel all the way across the globe. I was denied the chance to say goodbye, to see her for the last time, to close a chapter in my life, so to speak.
Now, it is coming to the second year since my mom departed this world and I still missed her. Recently some relatives over there contacted me about taking back my mom's earthly belongings which was stored by one of her well-meaning friends. Again, the grief and regrets started swelling within me.
It was like a floodgate was opened and all the feelings come pouring in endlessly. I could not help feeling depressed and missing her more than ever. I felt like bursting into tears over her death and actually grief for her. But I did not. I kept the tears in just like two years ago, fearing people would not understand my need for this time to finally really let go, to finally accept the fact that she is gone for good.
Often enough when my son does something funny or cute, I instinctively stored it in my memory bank so that I could tell my mom about it. Too late, I realised mom is no longer there. She is no longer a phone call away. I can no longer shoot an email to her with picture attachments. In fact, she never did get the chance to meet my son, her first grandchild. That was my biggest regret, my mom never got to see her first grandchild before she left. I have so many questions to ask her, so many things to say to her still but now it is too late.
Many have told me to move on and be glad that she did not suffer at all. I have moved on and life is in fact quite wonderful now but still, the empty void and pain of loss remains. I felt as if I have lost something vital. Perhaps time will one day lessen the pain and fill the void but till then, I will probably continue to miss her, my mom, the woman who loved us unconditionally, loved to read and most of all, loved animals.
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